SELF PARODY

...you've got to stop!...

Elaine Elaine Elaine

(All songs are written by Winston Campbell, Jr. except where specified)

---

i want to press your bone


i want to be your valentine girl
i want to be your valentine

push up against me
let me press that bone
push up against me
turn me on a loose

i put my hand on your skin
it feels like lizard skin
i love lizard skin

come here
let me press
press your bone
we are alone
in this room we kiss
and your lips...

don't exist
your lips don't exist
why don't your lips exist

you said i have a bush
i said where
you said the bush is down there
down there
down there
i said why can't it be
but anywhere
but you keep telling me
the bush is down there
with the bone
with the bone
with the bone
let me press your bone

let me get back to
your lips not existing
how is it possible
for your lips not to exist

come on let's dance to the beat of the drums
and to the beat of the bums on the street
let's jump and kiss and do everything
but you say down there is my...
			

---

me and white women


me and white women
we don't see eye and eye together
on things
but of all these things
we don't see eye to eye together on
these things don't mean much to you and me
cause we don't fucking carry that shit around

me and white women
we don't see eye and eye together
on things
but of all these things
we don't see eye to eye together
things don't mean much to you and me
cause we don't fucking carry that shit around

all up and down the town
we don't smear this shit around
turn our grey faces brown
me and you
we see eye and eye
like peas in a pod
eye and eye
rastafari
rastafari!

boogie down
all over town
dude
i might be rude
but don't be a prude
left and left and left we go
to the left and left and left we go
me and white women
we never go left and left and left
but you and me

to the left and left and left we go
to the left and left and left we go
to the left and left and left we go
me and white women
we don't see eye and eye together
on things
all these things
you and me
			

---

milk


i needs my milk for christmas
it's the best time of the year
come on twist a door knob
and have a christmas cheer
feel that holiday music
grooving through your skin
buy me some presents maga gal
so i can put them into you
inside of a pool
a man begins to frown
outside the world's on fire
as he begins to drown
and with this comes the clown
ready for his beer
sleighing with the satan clause
drumming a christmas cheer
he squirts the milk out slowly
down upon your skin
like acid rain in disco...

pain
it's so insane
won't you let them in
and dirty is the hole
and lustful is the soul
of what i don't care
come by for your christmas cheer

upon the blank cathedral
i pull down all my panties
and throw them to the street
to pick up some romancies
and satan clause is plucking straws
and little elves besides themselves
and green ole grinch has a pinch
of loafers, leftovers, where's my leftovers
i needs my milk for christmas
it's the best time of the year
and udders are so lacking
and my panties are so slacking
and what the motherfacking
why's this mother grabbing
on my red soiled panties
why do i even have these motherfacking red soiled panties

it's so insane
this unbearable pain
of the realization
that as dirty as the hole gets
as lustful as the soul gets
you won't even care
all you'll want is your christmas cheer

tit for tat
tat for tit
oh sweet lady you're the shit
tit for tat
tat for tit
oh dear lady you're the shit
tit for tat
tat for tit
oh my friend you're the shit
tit for tat
tat for tit
oh sweet lady why do you always have to talk about shit?
			

---

this marginal isn't right


fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

this marginal is not right

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

this marginal is not right

fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck shit!

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit
fuck shit
fuck shit fuck shit

fuck shit fuck shit
			

---

busy big breasted lady


big breasted lady
driving a mercedes
will run me over
cause she can't see past her 
big breasted lady
driving her mercedes
will run me over
but i may pull through

and the passer by's
they all say goodbye
but i'm not dead yet
i say
i'm not dead yet
but i'm almost there

big breasted lady
driving her mercedes
busy she is
not seeing the intersection
i was daydreaming
so it's partially my fault
big breasted lady
she'll never date me now

in a world of many
two people meet
there is friction and force
she gets out of her car
and what's that i see
a saxophone
she plays a mean saxophone solo...

big breasted lady
puts down her sax
walks over to me
and gives me her sax
i smile a little
she smiles a little
because she knows
this is going to be a long outtro
			

---

small package man


he was a little man
back from iran
he had a hole the size of his soul
i didn't quite understand
what he had
what he had to hold
he had a hold on me
he had a hold on you
he was a little man
back from iran

(or was it afghanistan or pakistan?)

he used his organs
he did his organs
use his organs
at last

he was a little man
with many plans
he walked down the street
turned his head the other way
he did not see the heat coming his way
god a pretentious mind
he noticed something was approaching
didn't know what it was
it was a woman
looking for a small package man

he said i feel it in for you
i can really be true
i'm a small package man
back from iran
(or is that pakistan?)
(or afghanistan?)
from iran
or was that iraq?

since the war began
(i don't quite understand)
i don't know right from wrong
(i don't quite understand)
she was a small package woman
(she had a bone)
they fell in love
they fell in love
(by the bush)

she had a soul
she had to let him go
it was what they wanted
(he wanted to press her bone)
(but she let him go)

he was a small package man
back from pakistan
afghanistan
iran
i don't care
they're all the same to me
all the same to me she said
			

---

turtle


drink the whiskey
beat your wife up
go slap your mother
these are the limitations of my life

drink the whiskey
beat your wife up
go slap your mother
these are the limitations of my life

turtle man in the house now
grabbing on a microphone
singing' his ole' sweet southern song
beltin' it nice and long
everybody knows him
he is...

turtle man jumpin' in the room
kicking off his half-a-shoes
everybody wanna love the man
even the jigaboos
cause we knows it's all 
right now

yeah...
turtle man
turtle man
turtle man go booom...

turtle man in the house now
sippin' on a microphone
everybody wanna love him
but he wanna be alone
someone's gotta kick him in the throat

turtle man in the house now
sippin' on some china tea
i walk right over to shake his hand
but he doesn't wanna see me
no
he does not love me no more

turtle man in the house now
turtle man

drink the whiskey
beat your wife up
go slap your mother
these are the imitations of my life

turtle man's gone off now
singin' his southern song
tears stream on down our face
everybody's now all alone
he truly was the man
			

---

manage this


equal rights for all
including battyman
battymans need equal rights
this song is not against the battymans
this song is for equal rights for all
so we must all manage this
manage this situation
you hear
equal rights for all
including the battymans
we must love everybody
everybody

battyman fi run
battyman fi run from here
battybwoy fi run
battybwoy fi run from here
mi no wah see yu face
battybwoy
mi no wah see yu face from here
oh sweet lord

battyman fi run
battyman fi run from here
battyman fi run
it's not natural
it's not natural
battybwoy fi run from here

battybwoy fi run
battyman fi run from here
battyman fi run
battybwoy fi run from here

battybwoy fi run
battybwoy fi run from here

i mean
what business it is of yours
to sit and judge
judge those people
i'm talking 'bout the battymans
equal rights for all
we must all manage this
we must all manage this this
this situation
			

---

72 hours on saturday


you can say what you wanted to hide
but i won't let up until you begin to sigh
but didn't you rescind my invitation
i waited for you at the outdoor wayward station
right about now...

amanda
she plays the bass
and plays it oh so well
she plays with the George
who i'd go gay for
i'd so go gay for
yeah yeah yeah...

years like tears they oft do disappear
and we find ourselves living with the stare
and isn't it a lesson in futility
she opened the tunnel to show me the city
i said right on...

right on, right on
right on, right on
right on, right on, right on

long break!

72 hours on this blessed Saturday
i bathe in your blood
so now what can I say?
right 'bout now
			

---

so, i was talking to stacey yesterday


so i was talking to stacey yesterday
she was so carefree, so happy and so gay
i kissed her on the mouth and slipped a little tongue
she said don't do that anymore
or else i'm going to H.R.
she said there's a term, a term for that
i laughed in her face and then rubbed her fat
she jumped out her chair and fell on the floor
i said my little stacey, do you want some more
she slapped me real hard right across my face
then uttered a racial slur denigrating my race
then ran out to the hallway and to the HR's place
i sat in my office thinking 'bout yesterday
when i was talking to stacey yesterday
she was so glum, like a black tarred pepper spray
she walked into my room with only her shoes on
i screamed in terror told her to put some clothes on
she laughed and laughed and laughed

everybody want to be in the movie now
everybody want to have a role
so meet me down the road down the street
i got some treats for you
i'm so alone
so alone
everybody know the places where
we want to meet

so i was talking to stacey day before yesterday 
she looked at me and spat right in my face
then uttered a racial slur denigrating my race
then she proceeded to squirt her milk all over my face 
asking me politely if i liked the taste
i bypassed her quickly, slipping through a crease
and ran down the hallway to miss delareese
that's our HR lady here in the office
tapping at her computer in almost every way
asked me what was going on, why so glum and frayed
then i remembered i was talking to stacey yesterday
she had been carefree, so happy and so gay
i kissed her on the mouth and slipped a little tongue
she said we can't do this anymore
this every day
day by day
every way
we can't do this anymore

everybody want to be in the movie now
everybody does not know soul
soul
			

---

stop no, don't stop


press my button girl
press it down, babe
press my button girl
press it down to new orleans
some say i'm trying to be big tom waits
but that ain't true
what i want you to do, girl
is press this button to you

i'm gonna cough now...

down by the river
down by the lake
we see each other
and our hearts do ache
what i want you to do
is press this button on me
oh yes yes yes
stop no,  don't stop
i'm not tom waits
i'm not tom waits
i'm not tom waits
i'm not tom waits
			

---

why are you making this hard


apparently sunny days are dangerous too
it will happen to me
it won't happen to you

so rainy days are dangerous

h.i.v.
h.i.v.
			

---

don't put that in there


you got the hair
well don't put that in there
it will all but stay
in the other fields of grey
take off them rings
and put the finger in the pink
and the shit don't stink
shit don't stink if you take a wink
you got the flair
well don't put that in there
i need a breath
a moment to be out of step
(a moment to collect myself)
parked in a car
covered in this tar
a false equivalancy
causes null intimacy
you got the stare
well don't put that in there
beam out of my eye
two birds we are, two birds we are

two birds we are
stuck in the mud
two birds we are
when push comes to shove
two birds we are
stuck in the crud
two birds we are
in lust and out of love

two birds we are
stuck in the mud
two birds we are
when push comes to shove
these two birds we are
stuck in the crud
two birds we are
in lust and out of love
			

---

the music it burns


who the fuck is ron paul?
he can sit and suck on these balls
who here believes every man is free?
we don't believe in such fantasy
we're not children, you think we're children
we might not own the owners, but we can certain kill them
we can thrill them to their delight
and trip them over in the broad dim moonlight
i heard a man say "freedom for all"
and then i replied "who the fuck is ron paul?"

the music, the abuse-mic, it soothes
it brings me down to a good mood
the music, it can certainly find me
wherever it thinks it can find me
and i love all people
no matter - small, midsize, or tall
i just don't remember
who the fuck is ron paul?

and ron begat rand
yes, there's another one
another one
ron paul begat rand paul
another one
yes, there's another one
			

---

control alt delete


i'm going to climb zat hill
i'm going to climb zat hill
zat hill will be climbed tonight
i'm going to climb zat hill
			

---

ugh, you and these jokes that make my stomach turn


oh the agony
the agony
hits my body
oh the agony
hits my body

walk down the street
trying to find some meat to eat
do i have chicken or steak or fish?
she says to me
and i say oh

the agony

the jokes you say
she said
agony
they're agony
these jokes you say
they are pure agony

i brush my hair back into...

the agony is hurting my body
the agony

oh these jokes are making my belly turn inside
but the agony
the agony

this agony
this agony a go kill me
everyday mi get up
and mi seh to mi-self
which way mi going turn
mi going to go south
or mi going to stay
or mi here every day
every day
every day
trying to feel out this agony
this agony in mi body
oh the agony
i can't stress it enough

oh the agony
oh the agony
in my body
oh the agony

put your hair into a bun
take the bun
now you're done
now you're done
			

---

why are you still listening to this?


why are you still listening to this, father fucker?

i know a girl
well she had a clue
she came home to me
and she came home to you
she come muh muh ho
and she come in di high
i wanna say
you nuh never di dye
lebidizie
buduzebidizie
have a zuh baby 
dubuh dubuh de lie

i know a girl
well she came to you
she come in di hay
and she come home unuh you
when the ebba zie
ebba zie
zay zu zuh
zubbu zay zu toa

i know a girl
who come home to you
she came to me
and she came to you
and she come out and said
"i have your dad"

i know a girl
who will come home to you
she came home to me
and she came home to you
"i know a guy who is the alibi"

i know a girl
who'll came home to you
she came home to me
and she came home to you
and i know i can't go home
i know i can't go
i know i can't go home
i know i can't go home
i know i can't go home
i know i can't go

i know a girl
who came home to you
she come home to me
and she came home to you
and i know that i can't go
i know that i can't go

i know a girl
who come home to you
she came to me
and she came to you
and i know that i won't go home anymore
this is the last time i cry

and i
oh girl
and i
i know a girl
who came home to you
home to you
home away and home to you
and i know a girl
who came home to you
she can't hold-a me
and she can't hold-a you
i know a girl
who come home to you
she can't hold-a me
and she can't hold-a you

who?
i said i
i said i
i said i

i know a girl
who come home to you
she came home to me
and she come home to you
and i know a girl
who came home to you
she came home to me
and she came home to you

and i said
"i know what you're doing here"
said "i know what you're doing here"
she pulled down her wedding dress
pulled down her wedding dress
and showed me what was underneath
showed me what was underneath
and what i saw
what i saw
wouldn't be in the law
what i saw
what i saw
wouldn't be written in the law

i know this girl
she came home to you
she came home to me
and she came home to you
and she pulled down her dress
her wedding dress
and what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law
what i saw
what i saw
what i saw is against the law
what i saw is against the law

fuck this shit!

i know a girl
who come home to you
she came home to me
and she can't hold-a you

why are you still listening to this?
why are you still listening to this?
why are you still listening to this?

fuck this shit!
			

---

bye


what a world
and the world turns
and the cities burn
and the titties learn
that the nipples churn
and what's with my mind
dirty all the time
it will cross the line
the day that you are mine
but you are not mine

what the hell
the giant fell
could david tell
he was so swell
he used a dell
but that was when
his uncle ben
had blown the men
they were transvestites
he didn't know

and oh this pain
elaine elaine elaine
will strike again
but i refrain
she leaves the stain
and what's with her mind
it draws the line
she is my friend
i'm uncle ben
i'm uncle ben
i make the rice
i make it nice
			

---

so... a man walks into a bar with a monkey


so a man walks into a bar with a monkey
bartender says "who this monkey boy you come in with?"
man says "that's some racist shit right there"
"fuck you bartender"
bartender takes a step back and looks at the monkey
thinks to himself for a minute
while the man stares at the bartender
with great animous and flaming eyes
monkey sees
monkey does
monkey says "i'm a monkey"
"monkey man"
"you call me boy no more"
bartender slips his hand under the bar
pulls out a double barrel

points it to the ceiling
the man with the monkey moves in closer
does a little smile
"this suicide pact we're in"
"brings everything into perspective"
said the man with the monkey
and so on this day
was the day the bartender masturbated
with the double barrel gun
while the patrons slowly filed out
the man with the monkey kept leaning forward
looking at the ceiling
looking at the monkey
looking at the bartender man
and so began the perfect threesome
ohhhh... yeahh....

monkey see
monkey do
monkey does whatever he choose
monkey pays his due
monkey see
monkey do
monkey will fuck in and out
just so he can stick it to  you
monkey do
monkey see
monkey swinging from that
tall long island tree
monkey see
monkey do
monkey just says
fuck you, fuck you
			
Back to Previous Page