SELF PARODY

...i'm uncle ben, i make the rice, i make it nice...

Please Don't Yell

(All songs are written by Winston Campbell, Jr. except where specified)

---

let's impeach the man who says impeach the president


you're all hypocrites
stuffed with syphilis

you're all hypocrites
stuffed with syphilis
your weak minds can't handle logic
but i don't care
i'll pull down my underwear
and show the world
hey, i might be small
but it's going to fall
fall on you

homos to the right
rednecks to the left
and somewhere in the middle
is nobody
evermore
nevermore

and i'm sick of all the debate
and i'm sick of all the hate
i just want to go home
and be loved
by my lover
by my other

but i wake sometimes
and think why do i sleep sometimes
sometimes you don't get it
sometimes you do
when you do
come by and let me know

you're all sycophants
vomiting on with your useless rants
yes, the weak is listening
but the sun is glistening
and coming to a boil
and then there'll none of us at all
not one of us at all

and i'm sick of all the hate
and i'm too nauceous to wait
i just want to go home
and be with my wife
i just want a normal life

i just want a normal life
i just want the normal life
i just want the normal life
i just want a normal life
i just want the normal life
i just want the normal life
i just want the normal life
i just want the normal life
i just
			

---

my vagina waits for no man


my vagina
she waits for no man
no man to enter and exit
and enter and exit
and enter and exit
it's rather tedious

my vagina
she waits for no man
no man to come in
no man to come out
no man to come on

my vagina
she tries to bend the truth
but the truth can only be stretched
and she's not that flexible

my vagina
she waits for no man
no man too tall
no man too small
no man at all
			

---

finest oronoco rum available


excuse me sir
do you serve oronoco rum
i need to drink oronoco rum
please sir
it's a brazilian rum
they make in brazil

won't you come make me some drinks tonight
won't you come make me some drinks tonight
won't you come make me some rum tonight
i love you
are you inspired by me?

excuse me sir
i heard that oronoco rum
is distributed in los angeles
and san francisco
and some in new york city
city...
city...

i am a loss
you are a man
oh, oronoco rum
oronoco oronoco oronoco
oronoco

mr. oronoco man
come into my neighbourhood
and make me some nice rum
please sir
you're brazilian
i love your oronoco rum
rum, rum, rum

you know
you can't go back

little girl
make me some oronoco rum
you can't make it because you're young
you can't drink if you're under twenty one

oh... oronoco rum
rum, rum
brazil
rum!
oronoco rum!

a man like that needs some oronoco rum
a man like that needs some oronoco rum
yeah!
fill me up a glass, mr. bartender
let me ask you a question
how long you've been working in this establishment?
oh i see, a little while
yeah...
oh i'm just curious
i'm not coming on to you
i'm not...
i'm not homosexual
i don't even think that's right of you
asking me if i'm coming on to you
you know
i'm just being friendly
you know
i'm just trying to learn how
how one becomes a bartender
in these great... you know... ahh... place
ahh man
i really like that oronoco rum
brings me back
you know
back when i was a young boy
drinking rum every day
my daddy used to pour me a glass of rum every night
before i went to bed
you know he'd tell me a story about
ahhh...
rum...
or spiders or something
i don't remember
oh whatever
i guess it's time for me to go
you know
thanks mr. bartender
i love you...
i do...
			

---

what mom said


my mother said "you come home now"
my mother said "you come home now"
			

---

black and white and back again


black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again

well i know just what you like
and i can accomodate the type
i know what you do at night
with your fading white
i want to cover you
i take you by the day
steal your words of grey
words to keep me warm at night
you know what is
and just what was
i want to know more of your adventures
i take my car and drive
turn the wheel and cry
cause you know i have no out for you

turn the wheel and turn the wheel
and turn back the time
you were the shining star
on mullholland drive
i don't mind to tear it up
we'll have a good time
have a good time

black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and

well you tell me that you're into the threesome
and i want to crash my head and sigh
i know where to walk on your street
at night so the upstair eyes won't see me
i turn my head the other way
and i know it's hard for you to do the same
i turn and twist and turn and curl
and fight and dip and burn
you'll burn in hell but at least you'll see me there
your belief system has crumbled
white knee now tumbled
ravaged by the years of all the winter air

turn the wheel and turn the wheel
and look back in awe
why don't you take my hand
and we'll plight the fall
we go out dancing now
we'll tear up the town
you know
this is what dreams are made of

what?
dreams

black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again

black man don't bend
stand by your frozen garden
white woman be his friend
and maybe a little something more
yeah
a little something more
more
more
more...

well i know that you don't like
what i'll have to say
but i love you
but if you don't take this wood
and burn it in your stove
well it is whatever and whatever...
and i care to take the needle
to your turntable
and scratch it's fragile surface
carter was your only friend
nixon took your end
left his stains
and drooled fear, hurt all over you

turn the wheel and the turn the wheel
you know it's for show
i hope you're open now
you have to let go
and i have but wild eyes for you
see me now and have me off
but tell me what's new
your crack
turned back to hackensack
and it's all coming down

isn't this fucking song over yet?
no

black and white and back again
black and white and back again
black and white and back again
			

---

smile! life was good


when life wields its ugly stick
and strikes you straight in the face
when you're lost and they're no street signs
and you can't get back in the race
remember i'll be here for you
to see you through
remember i'll be there for you
and this is nothing new

smile!
life was good
at least you have your memories
smile!
life was great
and at least you still have your memories

but with age your memories wane
but the greatest thing to realize
is with age you're only closer to death
and after that it'll be okay
trust me
i'm your friend
trust me
in the end
i'll be there for you
and i'll see you through

smile!
life was good
at least you have your memories
smile!
life was grand
and at least you still have your memories
			

---

please don't


hello my friend
shhhh...
please don't yell

you move a mountain
your common sense
you move a mountain
you're common sense
you try to come and go
and to leave and show
and to take in all the rants
you don't know what you're doing
nonsense

take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop now

you move a mountain
your common sense
you move your mountain
you're common sense

you've got to stop!

take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop now

it's just a matter of recourse
it's just a matter of force
that brings us together today
it's just a matter of recourse
that binds us together in this sacred union
ah huh huh huh
ah-huh

please don't yell
please don't yell
please don't yell!

take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop
take me to your leader
it's got to stop now
			

---

just the cheek, not the crack


i tried to feel the bubble there but it goes right down to the core
doesn't come back to the top unless you go unseal that door
c'mon baby, c'mon honey, won't you try to let it in
a hundred veins won't mind this penetration, causes sweet sensation

no sir!
doors closed
time's moved
time's run out
dark pit
sharp wit
you can't come by
don't even try
but ma'am
i got ham
blends right in
against the shin
yes sir
open now
but this shit
keeps coming out

you tried to break the bubble but the radius gave you doubt
made you lose your stiffened will, made your ovals straighten out
now attention turns to the white girl's dark and special place
here today, gone tomorrow, won't you go and try her taste

but is it shaved?
i don't know
but is it enslaved?
don't think so
does it accept foreign visitors?
yes but only in two's
well then i've got 'ole steinberg with me
sorry, actually it doesn't accept jews

no sir!
oven locked
lever shifted
not in stock
other side
has more pride
to let you in
and push you out
moistens more
more to store
flexes well
won't even yell
but behind
is not so kind
still though, sir
it would blow your mind

can i get a little over here...
can i get a little over here...
can i get a little over here...
can i get a little over here...

no sir!
doors closed
time's moved
time's run out
white cheeks
pancake sweets
emits leak
not a treat
but ma'am
i got spam
to fill it up
break the cup
yes sir
open now
but this shit
keeps coming out

girl... do you walk?
do you talk?
hey now
i know
it is hard
to break the law
girl...
girl...
			

---

let me go


well i can't mistake this feeling
how i think you'd let me go
and i can't pin point the reasons
i just feel the undertow

why do you let me go?

and i can't mistake this feeling
how it hurts to love you so
and i can't pin point the reason
why you'd want to let me go

why do you let me go now?

i'll hold your hips to mine
i'll hold your hands in mine
and i'll look into your eyes
and i'll see a thousand sighs
and the moon sinks its head
and the sun has gone to bed
and it's just the two of us
waiting while you let me go

why do you let me go?
why do you let me go?
why?
			

---

karen, you won't like this song


i'm singing the same old song
i'm singing the same old lines
minor 6th to fourth
to root and then some more
won't someone shut me up
it's getting to be the same old progression
as other songs before this song
now here comes some organ
to add a little spice
it plays a little nice
but not for too long
because there is this thing
a thing called dynamics
you've got to use it well
you've got to make it swell

i know you
i know you won't like this song
i know you
i know you'll think it's too long
i know you
i know you'll look the other way
isn't there anything else more that i can say
i know you
you know i'm trying my best
i know you
you know i'll never past your test
and it's frustrating
and it's degrading
i can't sing
you know i can't sing
sing this song

you're saying the same old words
you're saying the same old lines
and if you'd give me time
i might disagree
and maybe that's why we argue
maybe that's why we fight
but sometimes
sometimes you impress me

i know you
i know you won't like this song
i know you
i know you'll think it's too long
i know you
you'll wonder why i try
and you won't even look past this second chorus
i know that
i can't sing this part
notes are too high
they have no place to start
i under shoot
i over aim
and i don't know why
don't know why i even try

this is called a bridge
i usually tone it down a bit
and play some ride cymbal
see, it's sort of the same
as the other songs i write
and record on my macintosh
provided by apple, inc.
not apple computers anymore
steve jobs announced that name change
at macworld 2007

i'm singing the same old song
i'm singing the same old lines
i'm singing the same old song
and you won't give me your time
			

---

i guess depression is no excuse for not being well mannered


it's noisy in this room
i don't think i can stay in this room
it's noisy
it's way too noisy
get me out of this place
please

windows are close to the side
i can't see through the window
someone please get me out of here
please
i need your help
is anyone listening?
listening?
help!

i guess depression is no excuse
for not being well mannered
i don't think
i don't think
i just react
it's who i am
it's who i am

sifting through the clouds
slowly
not surely
trying to fly
but only coming down too fast
and i know
these walls
these windows

won't someone help me!
won't someone help me
please
please

and i guess depression is no excuse
for not being well mannered
well mannered

outside
outside is the world
the beautiful world
with people walking by
saying "hi" to me
but...
it's just a dream
it's just a dream

just a dream
open your eyes
it's just a dream
			

---

me and the dolphin


i wasn't born to love the dolphin
i wasn't built to fuck the dolphin
what makes this difficult for you people to understand?

the dolphin may be a mammal
but it doesn't make it right
what makes this difficult for you all to understand?

and if the dolphin approaches me
i won't strike it
i'll play along nicely
and tell it i'm not interested
and hopefully it won't persist
no

because i wasn't born to love the dolphin
i wasn't built to fuck the dolphin
what makes this so difficult for you people to understand?

i was not born to love the dolphin
i was not built to fuck the dolphin
no
			

---

in lieu of our special murder


in lieu of our meeting time
(murder is murder)
in lieu of our feeding time
(slaughter is slaughter)
in lieu of our leading time
(a view to a kill)
in lieu of our meeting time
(meeting time)

lambs for the slaughter
bring me my daughter
i need some water

you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
come and tickle me a while
you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
yes you can tickle me a while

time to head out on the way
the road is long and the road will stray
but my tribe still lingers on
eyes wide open to the sun
to god and to one nation
and to the outdoor railway station
we missed the train but once again
like we did so way back when
you aimed the gun and you missed
caressed my tongue with a kiss
opened my palette to a taste
a fleeting feeling of emerging waste
a hopeless path and a fruitless life
won't you go and grab your wife
you see she's trailing way behind
don't even think you can give her time

you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
come and tickle me a while
you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
yes you can tickle me a while

no, no, no...
you can't kill me

here we go again
you thought we were gone
but we ain't, my friend
here you come again
this meeting just needs to end

in lieu of our meeting time
(murder is murder)
in lieu of our feeding time
(slaughter is slaughter)
in lieu of our cheating time
(murder is murder)
in lieu of our meeting time
(meeting time)

you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
come and tickle me a while
you can't kill me
no you can't kill me
no you can kill me
yes you can tickle me a while
			
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